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Let’s Talk About Marriage. Let’s be transparent, open, and honest about marriage. Let’s talk with people we trust about how we can grow, mature, and excel in our marriages. Let’s share are struggles with one another so that we can learn from them. Let’s seek wise counsel. Let’s give wise counsel. Let’s get serious about building strong, healthy, god-glorifying marriages, that strengthen our families, our churches, and our communities. Let’s make marriage beautiful, by building, sharing, teaching, giving, listening, loving, and encouraging ourselves in the Lord for the good of our marriages and the glory of our God.

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When we travel, we like to get away from the tourist areas and activities.  We try to experience life like the locals. Eat where the locals eat. Relax like the locals relax. We were able to do a little of this in Aruba but not as much as we would liked too. So to capture our travels to Aruba, we decided to make a list of 14 things to remember about our visit to Aruba.

1. Favorite Beaches: Eagle Beach & Baby Beach

2. Favorite Non-Beach Water: Mangel Halto

3. Favorite Experience: Sunset Dinner at Passions on the Beach (a little expensive, but very nice setting) & Cuba’s Cookin (live music)

4. Favorite Restaurants: Hopi Bon Grill & The West Deck

5.  Favorite Dessert: Gelatissimo

6. Favorite Animal: Flamingos on Renaissance Island

7. Best Food Deal: Food Truck on Eagle Beach

8. Activities we didn’t get to do: Submarine Tour.

9. Recommended Tour: UTV Tour that includes Natural Pool.

10. Most surprising: The island is extremely windy. There are a ton of loose dogs running around.

11. Pleasant surprises: Very good drinking water. There are only about 18 inches of rain fall in Aruba per year, and we were there when it rained. We won a free vacation from Divi Resorts.

12. Unpleasant surprises: Food is very expensive.  There are more flies on the island than expected.

13. Recommendations: Stay at least 4 days. If you are adventurous, rent a car.

14. Be adventurous and explore the type of travel you like. Aruba offered a lot of amenities on a tiny island- beaches, water sports, all-inclusive resorts, high-end shopping, flea market shopping, hiking, bird watching, lots of food options, local & westernized experiences, history, and culture.

We enjoyed our visit to Aruba and would go back in the future.

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Day 2- Support your spouse! (As long as they are making Godly decisions that are best for your family) Their first layer of support should come from you, not the outside world. If they are not making Godly decisions, pray for your spouse.

Day 3- As a young Bride or Groom, respect the position your spouse is in, AND value your role. (Of course, this should continue throughout your marriage)

Day 4- You can’t place the blame on just one spouse. There should not be a such thing as “growing apart”. Both of you are responsible for moving TOGETHER.

Day 5- Always speak well of your spouse, even to yourself. Speak well of your spouse in the recesses of your heart and mind, and you will treat them well.

Day 6- When I first got married, I wish would have known…to not let small things turn into big problems.

Day 7- Marriage involves thinking and planning beyond the wedding. Our wedding cost approximately $2,900 (for EVERYTHING, Including the honeymoon). It wasn’t the “Wedding of the Century”. However, the memories made, and significance of the vows that we take so seriously today, are PRICELESS.

Day 8- Laugh together before going to bed.

Day 9- Feed what you want to grow in your spouse and starve what you want to wither. Give attention to all that is wonderful about your spouse. Give grace, mercy and forgiveness to your spouse’s shortcomings.

Day 10 and TBT- When needed, be creative in marriage! Love doesn’t cost a thing…watch the video to learn about the most romantic gift ever received in this marriage. It cost about fifty cents, but its value is so much more! Day 10 Tip Video & Throw Back Thursday

Day 11- “They aren’t ready” Many thought we were too young to be married…we should finish school first, etc. Don’t let someone else’s opinion or experience in marriage stop you from getting married. Although “day 1” of your marriage could be the most perfect day, know that you and your spouse are not perfect. However, you must be willing to be fully committed to grow and learn with your spouse.

Day 12- Cook together. Keep the cooking spicy and we are not just talking about the food. No seriously, we are talking about cooking.

Day 13- It is important in marriage to have a church home, with a solid foundation in the Word, strong/humble leadership, and loving marriage mentors.

Day 14- Seek Oneness. We hope you have enjoyed our 14 tips in honor our 14th Wedding Anniversary.

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A fast trip thru the Valley of Fire in Nevada, just north of Las Vegas. We took a business trip out to photograph this amazing and breathe taking natural wonder.

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What would you do if you only had $2.11, in a new city, just spent all day moving in, and hadn’t yet ate? Well, we made and date and a life time memory out of that $2.11. Watch the video to find out how.

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Romance is a thoughtful express of love.

A Love Story

In eternity past God decided he would create
an example of wonderful human love to show the world.
At that moment our love was created.

Before time, God paired your soul with mine,
so that in time you would be mine and,
at the appointed time our lives intertwined.

In you an angel became flesh,
your beautiful soul,
clothed in beautiful flesh, yet
your eyes still shine like the glow of an angel.

A priceless treasure you are,
only surpassed
by GOD’s LOVE and
free gift of
SALVATION we have both received.

To be allowed to walk with you,
my wife,
is more than one man could ask for in life.
To hold the most costly jewel, is as if holding dust
when compared to holding you.
To gaze upon the brightest star is but a dim light,
when compared to the light of the fire you create in my heart.

Your love strengthens me.
Your love comforts me.
Your love is more then enough for a life time.

Thank you for Loving Me.

Love

Your humble and grateful husband
Mr. Whys
02/14/2008

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I thought I was going to lose my freedom, and “lose myself” along the way.  But I found that I didn’t really know myself, until I had to share myself and my space with someone else—your fears, hopes, pet peeves, differences, etc.  are merged (yes, just like on the freeway).  This is a tough task, and if there is no commitment to grow, compromise, and learn with the person you are with, it becomes a very bumpy ride. If you are always in your own world trying to “know yourself” you miss out on the lessons you learn from others.

After being married eleven years, I can say that marriage has been challenging at times, but there has been way more rewards.  Here are 11 improvements that have occurred during the duration of our marriage:

1)      Communication– We now discuss small issues that bother us (try to do so when we are not angry), so they do not become larger issues.

2)      Home Ownership– We purchased a home by the time we were 25–this might not have happened if we were on our own.

3)      Education- We finished our educational goals that we set before we ever thought of getting married. We encouraged each other along the way, and made sacrifices to ensure the other could be as successful as possible.

4)      Travel–We have traveled places we might not have traveled to alone (Hawaii, Spain, small (unfamiliar) towns, plantations—the list continues to grow). The bond we have strengthens with each new place we travel to. We learn more about each other’s preferences, and have to rely on each other in strange and new places.

5)      Roles as a Husband and a Wife– We now have a greater understanding of this.  I will admit, I had very little understanding of this when I got married.

6)      A softened heart– Hubby was fine in this area, as he was already very compassionate, and aware of how he responds to others.  But through patience prayer, and modeling of behavior, I definitely don’t have the fight in me that I used to bring to anyone who dared to get in my way.

7)      We have learned to have fun, and be SPONTANEOUS.  Surprisingly, this went away when we first got married, but we slowly worked it back into our lives.

8)      Respect–Our level of respect has grown even stronger. We let the world know of our commitment to our spouse, and command more respect for each other and our household. We do this by including each other in our work/career endeavors, and showing value and appreciation to one another.

9)      Shoulder to Lean on– We have learned how to lean on each other better than when we were first married. When one is weak, we are better able to sense that the other needs help, and when to “back off.”

10)   Be an Example– We have improved in the area of being an example for each other.  Rather than nag or bug the other person about something we need changed in our relationship, we have learned to show care or tend to the needs of each other better.  We have also improved on being more transparent, so that we can be an example for other couples.

11)   Thus says the Lord–   We have taken Christ’s examples, and applied it to our marriage, and our lives. We have grown in our walk with the Lord, and our faith has increased through many tests, and triumphs. This is THE MOST important improvement.

I watched a video of our wedding the other day. It was a simple wedding (due to lack of income and resources), and we didn’t have a lot of fuss. As I looked at us as a couple, I saw physical changes, but I am thankful for the spiritual and emotional changes I never knew would come.  If marriage meant me giving up my freedom, I can honestly say I would have been “freely lost”.

Thank you Lord, for the blessing of this union!  We are so grateful for eleven years, and look forward to continuing to improve each day we have left on this Earth.

By Mrs. Whys

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My wife was right- many people don’t want to see “Big Love” for many reasons. Some desire it and don’t have it. Some don’t know how to Love Big. Some people feel guilty because they are not Loving Big. But those of us that have “Big Love” and know how to “Love Big” we must show others the way. Will you join with us and “Love BIG Love”?

Love BIG Love, can be summed up as this- Love Began.In.God. Believe.In.God’s Love. 1 John 4:15-21

LOVE BIG LOVE

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My quick commentary of the movie is that it was too vulgar, but funny. If you can stand all of the cursing and sexual content, the movie is funny.  This movie will not help you have a better relationship. Ladies it will not help you get that man, in fact it will help you get that boy, masquerading as a man.

A problem I have with the movie, and the whole concept, is that too much of the weight and responsibility is placed upon women.  The message to women was that you need to jump through hoops to get that male. You need to bend and change to adapt to what type of male you have.  Women need to manipulate males to get them to become who they think they need them to be.

The movie should have been called “How To Get That boy, that you want to be a man, to act like a better boy.”

Another issue I have is that everything was all good in the end, and that is not true to life. There have been a many relationships destroyed by either the man or woman, or both playing games.  No one lost in the end, every one won, that is not true life.

My wife and I had a discussion about the movie.  My wife is a great balance to me. She would say people are really like that and that is what it was showing. I am the type that I don’t care if that is how people really are, what we should be trying to show is how people should be. What was missing for me was that model character, that while still having flaws, set a quality standard and example for the others. Gary Owens was the closest example of that type of character, but even he was wishy-washy.

This movie perfectly shows why married people and single people do not mix well. It also showed the problem of males in relationships hanging with other males and seeking advice from each other, especially when they are not rooted and grounded in Christ. It is a different story when there are a group of MEN rooted and grounded in Christ- providing one another with Biblically sound advice and encouragement. My greatest growth and development as a husband and a man, occurred during an intense time of continual fellowship and mentorship from a group of mature men in the faith through my church.

The movie did good, by exposing how many professing “Christians” are not only hypocrites, but also luke warm and living in sin. Not sinning- living in sin, in which sin is their way of life.  Many professing “Christians” relate to this movie because it is their way of life, or their friends way of life, and they see it as normal and how things should and do go.

Creators must understand the power they posses, to shape people’s thinking, ideas, perceptions, etc.  I know Steve Harvey wrote this book before he was “saved”, but he must live by a new standard and advise people based on that new standard and that new standard is found in the Bible. Our instructions are to be who God called us to be, and that is not to “Act like a lady, but think like a man.”

If the people of God, both men and women, would stop looking everywhere but the Bible for instructions on how to live, we would find this walk much more peaceful, joyful, etc. I am not going to tell you what you should do as a man or woman, but I will say read the instructions. The Bible is the owners manual for you and the opposite sex. So if you want to know how to deal with them, read the owners manual.

The only way someone can play a game with you is if you play along. The other good thing that the movie advised, was to get a standard.  What it got wrong, is for you to set your own personal standard. No need for that. Again, the Bible has already set a standard, use that as your standard. So while others are playing games, you are standing on the unchanging standards, backed by the creator.

As for us, we are blessed to already be married and not be playing those types of games. There are games that people do play in marriage, but by the grace of God we steer clear of those as well, and stick to the instructions found in the owner’s manual.

Let us know what you thought of the movie.

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