My wife was right- many people don’t want to see “Big Love” for many reasons. Some desire it and don’t have it. Some don’t know how to Love Big. Some people feel guilty because they are not Loving Big. But those of us that have “Big Love” and know how to “Love Big” we must show others the way. Will you join with us and “Love BIG Love”?

Love BIG Love, can be summed up as this- Love Began.In.God. Believe.In.God’s Love. 1 John 4:15-21

LOVE BIG LOVE

The post LOVE BIG LOVE appeared first on Marriage Whys.

My quick commentary of the movie is that it was too vulgar, but funny. If you can stand all of the cursing and sexual content, the movie is funny.  This movie will not help you have a better relationship. Ladies it will not help you get that man, in fact it will help you get that boy, masquerading as a man.

A problem I have with the movie, and the whole concept, is that too much of the weight and responsibility is placed upon women.  The message to women was that you need to jump through hoops to get that male. You need to bend and change to adapt to what type of male you have.  Women need to manipulate males to get them to become who they think they need them to be.

The movie should have been called “How To Get That boy, that you want to be a man, to act like a better boy.”

Another issue I have is that everything was all good in the end, and that is not true to life. There have been a many relationships destroyed by either the man or woman, or both playing games.  No one lost in the end, every one won, that is not true life.

My wife and I had a discussion about the movie.  My wife is a great balance to me. She would say people are really like that and that is what it was showing. I am the type that I don’t care if that is how people really are, what we should be trying to show is how people should be. What was missing for me was that model character, that while still having flaws, set a quality standard and example for the others. Gary Owens was the closest example of that type of character, but even he was wishy-washy.

This movie perfectly shows why married people and single people do not mix well. It also showed the problem of males in relationships hanging with other males and seeking advice from each other, especially when they are not rooted and grounded in Christ. It is a different story when there are a group of MEN rooted and grounded in Christ- providing one another with Biblically sound advice and encouragement. My greatest growth and development as a husband and a man, occurred during an intense time of continual fellowship and mentorship from a group of mature men in the faith through my church.

The movie did good, by exposing how many professing “Christians” are not only hypocrites, but also luke warm and living in sin. Not sinning- living in sin, in which sin is their way of life.  Many professing “Christians” relate to this movie because it is their way of life, or their friends way of life, and they see it as normal and how things should and do go.

Creators must understand the power they posses, to shape people’s thinking, ideas, perceptions, etc.  I know Steve Harvey wrote this book before he was “saved”, but he must live by a new standard and advise people based on that new standard and that new standard is found in the Bible. Our instructions are to be who God called us to be, and that is not to “Act like a lady, but think like a man.”

If the people of God, both men and women, would stop looking everywhere but the Bible for instructions on how to live, we would find this walk much more peaceful, joyful, etc. I am not going to tell you what you should do as a man or woman, but I will say read the instructions. The Bible is the owners manual for you and the opposite sex. So if you want to know how to deal with them, read the owners manual.

The only way someone can play a game with you is if you play along. The other good thing that the movie advised, was to get a standard.  What it got wrong, is for you to set your own personal standard. No need for that. Again, the Bible has already set a standard, use that as your standard. So while others are playing games, you are standing on the unchanging standards, backed by the creator.

As for us, we are blessed to already be married and not be playing those types of games. There are games that people do play in marriage, but by the grace of God we steer clear of those as well, and stick to the instructions found in the owner’s manual.

Let us know what you thought of the movie.

The post Think Like A Man… appeared first on Marriage Whys.

2. I’m the Head (Priest) – God will hold me responsible for my wife, my wife, my children (God willing), and all those under me. I must lead. I must take responsibility for the spiritual, emotional, financial, and physical health of my family. My families spiritual strength is not my pastor responsibility it is mine. I am responsible for insuring that my home is holy, not by force, but through love and being number 3.

3. I’m the Least (Servant) – I must be a servant to my family. I must be last. I must wash feet, and humble myself, and sacrifice my wants. In the world the Head is served, but in Gods house the head is the servant. The greatest is the least. I must model love, compassion, forgiveness, patients, and servitude. When my wife is the most receptive, open, loving, understanding, giving, etc. is when I am serving her. You don’t make people change you love them to/through change. When in doubt always put the other person first.

4. Love is not a feeling – but an action that you must will yourself to do daily. As my Pastor Dr. Ivory L. Varner says “it is not about what you feel, but what you will.” Sometimes you are not going to feel like loving, and that is when you must will yourself to love. Sometime you are made to feel like what you are doing is not love, but you must will yourself to love even when love don’t feel like love.

5. Love doesn’t mean yes – My wife’s least liked word is no, but in executing 1-3 I have learned to say no, but also evaluate why I am saying no. Am I saying no because I am trying to execute 1-3 or because it is my own personal biased. If it is my own personal biased and it is going to break down my wife, I will say yes. But if saying yes means, going against what God has instructed me to do, or it going against what as the head I know to be what is best for my family, then I must say no out of Love.

6a. Do everything together – My wife and I do as much as possible together. We don’t allow things to become my thing and her thing, everything is our thing. You don’t need your time apart.
6b. Always include her in decisions – Beyond the fact that my wife loves me, believes in me, and is a God fearing women, she follows me because I listen to what she thinks. She knows that I fear God, and want to only bring him Glory, but she also knows that I love, honor, and cherish her, therefore when I make decisions, she knows that what she wants is in my thoughts. If I plan a trip I can plan it without talking to her, because I know her and I think about what would she want to do on this trip, where would she want to eat, stay, SHOP, etc. But I never make decisions without talking with her. Most of the time we come to an agreement, but even when we don’t she knows that I have listened to her point of view and I care about her point of view.

7. The power of the tongue – it can do damage no matter which way you use it. It can do damage when you speak hurt, but it can also do damage when you don’t speak love, affirmation, encouragement, etc. When you don’t speak love, affirmation, and encouragement and just say they know how I feel, it can be just as damaging as speaking hurtful words. You have to say I love you, I care about you, you are special, you are doing good, you are wonderful, and you are important. I have tried to get into the practice of when I am upset with my wife addressing her by sweetheart, beautiful, wonderful, etc. because it puts me into a state of mind to talk to her like she is worthy of, instead of talking to her like I feel at the moment. It is my way of willing myself to talk to her in love instead of anger.

8. Time, Talk, Transparency, Trust, Touch – my church teaches this and I think it is very important. You have to spend time together, you have to talk, you have to be transparent, which leads to trust, which leads to touching.

9. My wife is wonderful – God has given her to me, in all her glory to make me a more Godly man. She pushes me. She challenges me. She reveals my flaws to me by the way I treat her. She is my mirror. When I think to highly and holy of myself, God uses her to bring to the surface my flesh that I thought I had overcome, so that I can look back to him and depend on him. She is unique. She loves me. She is my ride or die chick, beyond what anyone knows.

Bonuses
10. You have to practice being romantic. You have to try to be romantic. You have to think of doing romantic things. Romance does not just happen. You create romance. You make time for romance.
11. Find Godly marriage mentors. Find people that have been married longer than you, or who have a marriage like you want and cling to them. Gain all the wisdom and knowledge they have to give concerning marriage.
12. Don’t hang with single or unhappy married folks– Single people don’t understand being married and don’t have the same responsibilities. Unhappy married folks want other people to be as unhappy as them.
13. One moment at a time. Marriages work or don’t work because of moments. Every moment, you can build or tear down.
14. I have so much more to learn about marriage.

The post Marriage 9 Years:9 Lessons appeared first on Marriage Whys.